im having a threesome with these popsicles
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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