nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
