Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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