I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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