proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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