if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
