Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
