Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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