I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
