Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
