Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
and she was petting her beer can
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
