Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
