You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
