I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
