apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
