remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
