Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
