so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
