You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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