Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
