I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
