dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
