I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We left the knife in your bed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
