I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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