i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm too high and old for this...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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