So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
