Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
