Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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