True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"