he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
