I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence