Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night