I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
