my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
