tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
