Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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