i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
