Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
