fuck your aforementioned shoe
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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