I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
