That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
