i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
