we made out on top of his cat.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
