some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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