Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
