My nipple is on Facebook.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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