Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
