Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
