We're like a lot better than the average bears
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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