need another drink. this is the easiest way
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
