my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
