he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
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In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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