I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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