ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
