I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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