She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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