My first STD was from a foam party
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
