Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
