she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
