Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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