so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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