The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
