we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
