Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
