Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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