His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
