How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
