i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
