i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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