I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
