Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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