3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
