Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
