i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
