It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
