Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize