Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
