It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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