And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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