My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
