please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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