I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
