I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
