I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
