Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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